Ya Better Not Cry, Ya Better Not Doubt

Christmas so totally kicks butt.  I know there are those who can't stand any type of holiday festivities until after Thanksgiving but I am not of that breed.  It's true that "songs of the season" with Deliliah used to bug. But now I kind of want to make out with her.  I'll even drive an extra loop around the block just to hear the end of Winter Wonderland by the Eurythmics. What is it about the percussion of 80's music that forces me into my car dance? I'm totally that person you pull up next to at a stoplight that rocks out so intensely to her music that it doesn't even phase her when the light turns green.  Just call me Whatthehellisthatmorondoing-Spears. Hey if the shoe fits, wear it.  Anyway (back to what I think was my point), for me the Christmas season has arrived.  And the best part of being a parent? 

***SPOILER ALERT  SPOILER ALERT*** If your old enough to be reading this, the jig is up, move on (FYI, the easter bunny is a figment of your imagination too, it was all a big hoax).

Santa Clause Duty.  It's the most wonderful time of the year!  Just like the song says.  It's the only time I have an excuse to keep catalogs of every kind piled on top of my desk.  I even mark the pages.  With post-its.  Color coded post-its.  Priorities people!  I thoroughly enjoy thumbing through page after page of hunk-o-junk toys that will break in a matter of hours.  If you really concentrate, you can almost smell the toxic lead paint.  It's fantastic!  

I do however have a bit of a snag this year.  My 7 year old.  He is starting to question things like the tooth fairy and.........yes, Santa Clause.  And to make matters more complicated, today my kids came home from school only to find a giant box on the front porch with a PICTURE of it's contents plastered on the front.  What the crap land of nod?  Who do you think is residing in the house that you sent the mini golf set to?  And if he's old enough to golf, he's probably old enough to do things like RECOGNIZE A PICTURE ON A BOX!

This one took some serious smooth-talking.  And yes, I believe in lying to my kids.  But there was a moment.  One split second amid my fake story, where I thought I saw the slightest bit of doubt in his eyes.  And for good reason.  Elves don't very often mix up Internet orders and send gifts to the wrong addresses (maybe because they're to busy MAKING the toys).  Especially when the child within that residence has coincidentally included the mis-delivered toy on his Christmas list.  Gotta admit it was a stretch.  Even for me.

But later on to my surprise, I walked into the dining room that has become the playroom by default, and found this....

Now to the untrained eye this may look like a mess that includes but is not limited to, several different miniaturized wheeled objects, a bean bag, some plastic storage bins and a crazyass light on the floor.  But you would be wrong.  This is what they refer to as their "workshop".  Let me explain.  See the laptop (the pre-historic one) on the little bench right above the crazyass light?  That's where Griffy Elf takes the orders.  See the colored blocks WAY in the back behind the green couch?  That's where E-Bob Elf makes the toys that have been ordered via Internet, hence the laptop computer.  Behold!  Santa's workshop taken to a whole new technologically enhanced level.  Maybe now we won't have to do the go to the mall JUST to sit on Santa's (who smells a little like sausage and moldy grass) lap thing.  I don't want to split hairs here but someone needs to put a lifetime supply of old spice in that guys stocking.

***A special thanks to the UPS delivery guy who opted to place the box on the porch with the picture facing the door.  He's a thinker!  It's a shame I'm going to have to destroy him