Thanks to the ever lingering inversion, I've been doing a bit of reorganizing around the house (heaven forbid we should actually inhale non-circulated air). It feels good to de-clutter. Maybe someday I'll regret chucking my old dance company costumes but for now, b-bye (I did keep the little pink, crushed velvet number just because.....crushed velvet). However, about mid-way through my project I started to notice that I've got an astounding number of multiples of certain things. Like:
-pencils
-duct tape
-nail polish remover
-apple scented tea light candles
-garlic bread sprinkle
-band aids (hello kitty and batman just to name a few)
-and oregano
The oregano. Oh, Sweet Mother of Mercy, the oregano. I guess when I'm at the grocery store having forgotten my list, oregano is the default item. Our food storage is non-existent but it's good to know that in the event of a natural disaster we will be well manicured, fashionably bandaged, and we'll be free to do some aromatherapy with our candles. The light by which we will feast on our spices. If we actually had a lighter. Or even two rather abrasive sticks.
Oh. And then there was this:
I was making cookies (I needed a break from organizing all my super-useful household items) when I realized that there were no chocolate chips. Actually no, there WERE some because I bought some on Thursday. But they had mysteriously disappeared since then.
me: Hey, where are the chocolate chips I bought yesterday?
griff: I dunno.
me: Eliot, do you know where those chocolate chips are that I bought yesterday?
eliot: Uhhhhhh, No?
me: El, look at me and tell me the truth. Do you know where they are?
eliot: Mom, no. Geeze!
me: Eliot, you and neighbor kid were upstairs for a long time yesterday (which NEVER happens unless there's trouble). What's that bruise on your face? Come-eer. UH! That's chocolate! Wherearetheyyoutellmerightnowori'llsmackyourass!
eliot: O-KAAAAYYYY (going up the stairs, stomp stomp stomp) GEEEZZZZZE!
eliot: (walks back into the kitchen with chocolate chip bag filled and I mean filled with money) Here mom.
me: What the hell? You ate ALL of them? And where on earth did this money come from?
eliot: Neighbor kid gave it to me.
me: Neighbor kid gave it to you?
eliot: Well no. We traded.
me: What did you trade him for FIFTY dollars?
eliot: Marbles.
The little chump stole and consumed an entire bag of chocolate chips and then used the empty bag to house the fifty bucks he conned off the kid next door. Under normal circumstances one might be concerned about this type of behavior. But me? Eh, don't care. This is Eliot we're talking about people. And I could tell you stories about him that would make this one seem like humanitarian aid.
6 comments:
He's freakin' brilliant!
hmm i've got some marbles here, can you send eliot over and see what kind of deals he can get me for them. who needs wheat when you have oregano (i would put forth that oregano is far more useful). i would be sure i've got a couple of choice velvet numbers still in storage at my parents... sweet.
Fifty bucks! Your kid must be a genius. I wouldn't be worried. I would start to plot on how to monopolize on that type of genius. Brilliant. By the way, I am always out of Oregano. You should send some my way.
Can't stop laughing. Eliot is quite the entrepreneur (sp?).
he's definitely going to be a rock star millionaire businessman someday :D way to go elliot!
ohmigosh i love that kid.
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