Santa Needs a Brand New Bag

This year, I was HELL FREEKING BENT on getting all things "Christmas" done early.  So exactly 24 hours after Halloween, I started grilling my kids about what (from Costco or Walmart) they wanted Santa to bring them.  It took all of 6.2 seconds for them to rattle off their unreasonably lengthy requests that naturally we whittled down to more wallet friendly versions (my 8 year old wanted a cell phone - pffft!).  And that was that.  We were done with them.  Until we took them to see Santa.  Did you know that Santa has the uncanny ability of making your life hell?  I don't know if it's the polyester beard or the 2 millimeter candy cane but DAMN!  That guy totally screwed us over.  What do you do when they tell Santa something entirely different than they told you?  We've somehow gone from a skateboard to, and I quote, "real live chaps with deer hair."  No kidding.  The good news, however, is that my mom happened to be at the worlds largest rodeo expo in Las Vegas that very day.  So we placed a call.  And wouldn't you know it, she managed to track some down.  Except that I'm pretty sure they're made of cow hair.  Not deer hair.

Problem #2:  When Tootsie is watching TV (which is pretty much all day every day lately), after any and every toy commercial, she yells to me, "Ma, I waaan git dat."  And just to keep the peace I yell back, "right on homegirl (or whatever)."  So now, there's a rock, a hard place, and me, stuck right smack dab in between.  But I'm not even kidding you, if Santa brought her that Strawberry Shortcake house, she might very well poop sunshine and glitter.  And I just don't know if I can pass that up.

Problemo Numero Tres:  Scooter's been thinking.  He even said so.  He's been thinking about how whether or not a big fat fatty who drives a sleigh led by 8 livestock animals could actually exist.  He even asked me if Santa could ever die.  How do you answer that question?  He also happened to see two Santa's at the same time at the mall (dudes, could you be a bit more aware of how perplexing it is for my kid to see you together?).  Ever since then, his faith has been shaken.  And I can't help but think, It's almost over, isn't  it?

Here's the kicker: Our 10 year anniversary is this week.  And I want to know why in sam hell nobody told us that getting married mid-December would come back to bite us in the ass?  Shamefully, I had to pull out the old, "but Mom, it's our TEN year anniversary" thing.  And guess what?  It worked!!!  

Suckaaaaa!